Ass Trifecta

My Better Half, who tends to have a saltier verbal delivery than I do, recently called someone from her past a "***** Ass." Guess that's why Samantha no longer associates with this person. Fear not. I will tell you what the word is in a few moments.

I've been keeping a running tally of the words she's been using as adjectives that contain the word ass. I called her attention to the fact we now have three. Enough for a list, I'd say.

I dubbed it, oddly enough, The Ass List:

1. Swamp Ass. The exquisite feeling of spongy dampness felt you-know-where when you're driving your car and the temperature is Hotter Than The Hinges of Hell (another Samantha-ism), but your air conditioner just won't cut it.

2. Gooey Ass. The lovely feeling of seepage one feels after a colonoscopy/endoscopy and the lubricant the doctor used to shove the tubing up your bottom begins to S.L.O.W.L.Y. creep out.

3. Phony Ass. A person who looks astonishingly great all the time and smiles and looks you right in the eye -- and you know she's a complete and utter phony.